Good paragraph: I must have been moving very slowly yesterday because I reach the shallow stretch where I took my bath in just a few hours. I stop to replenish my water and add a layer of mud to my backpack. It seems bent on reverting to orange no matter how many times I cover it.
The reason I think this is a good paragraph because it tells me whats going around her and what the bad things are going on to her.
Bad paragraph: The cornucopia sits in it’s original position, but it’s insides have been picked clean. Most of the supplies, held in crates, burlap sacks, and plastic bins, are piled neatly in a pyramid in what seems a questionable distance from the camp. Others are sprinkled around the perimeter of the pyramid, almost mimicking the layout of supplies around the cornucopia at the onset of the Games. A canopy of netting that, aside from discouraging birds, seems to be useless shelters the pyramid itself.
I don’t like this paragraph because it only talks about cornucopia and the pyramid.
